Writing from the Heart

The doubts of always being left, Burns into the depths of my skin. Scarring me until I can't breathe. Until I'm in a restless sleep, alone. My heart has been torn, Between the hands of wrath. Making it harder for me to let go, And just be myself. The doubts of you leaving, Surfaces into my mind. Imagining you with a suitcase in hand. As I stare at you-- beg you not to go. My voice has been shut down, Between the hands of selfishness. Making it harder for me to be happy, And just be who I want to be. The doubts of my insecurities, Get the best of me as I stare into the void. Wondering if my luck will ever change. That I won't be left naked and alone. My eyes have stared into your soul, Between the hands of stagecraft. Hoping that I wasn't just another puppet, In your play-- begging you to let me be. The doubts of always being left, Consumes every inch of my battered body. Waiting for destiny to hold me, For even just a moment. To heal m...

I've forgotten what it was like. To love with all my heart. The hopes and dreams, Just becomes a blur. Nothing else holds the flame. I've been beaten, battered. Broken to bits of pieces. All the while you watch. My eyes have been poisoned. My skin has been torn. My voice has been cut. And my heart slowly died. I've forgotten what it was like. To feel special in someone's eyes. The feeling of happiness, Embedded into my smile. Yet, nothing else really mattered. I've been played, unworthy. Suffocating till my last breath. All the while you laugh. My eyes have leaked blood. My skin has turned pale white. My voice is no longer useful. And my heart slowly turned to ash. I've forgotten what it was like. To be happy in your arms. The hope for forever after. Written into our future. That isn't how it works. Life, takes turns and flips. Shapes us into who we need to become. Along with pain and darkness. I close my eyes to your ...

I got what I wanted. The honesty and the truth. Yet, it was nothing I wanted. I envisioned better moments. Moments of laughter and clarity. All I got was the hurtful truth. The unwavering unsettling heart ache. Yet, everything in between. It was all me, it was all in my head. The feelings, the hope, and the safety. You didn't want what I want. Now I can clearly move on. Move away from a path of pain. And into a road of love. You're right I deserve someone better. I always have. I guess I just wanted to hold, Onto you longer, tighter. I didn't want to live another Day-- holding onto someone. Who didn't want to be held. Who didn't want me. But, we can't be friends, can we? There's too much chemistry. Not enough sincerity. There's no future for us. Now, I know that. With every punctured vein left, I let go. I've forgiven, I've forgotten, and I'll move forward. I won't look back. I won't turn around...

Everyday, I hope for you to see. That I wasn't going anywhere. Anywhere I wanted to go. With you, is where I wanted to stay. Everyday, I wish for you to understand. That it wasn't all about you. It was about me, too. Yet, you chose the easier route and left. Everyday, I pray that you had good reasons. That you thought it through. With clarity and love. But that wasn't how you decided. Everyday, I hope to see you once again. To get a better understanding. Of why I'm lost and broken. You don't seem to care, do you? Everyday, I wish you had thought about me. How I was going to take it. My thoughts of your silence. But you only thought of yourself. Everyday, I pray that you'll realize that this Was for real, that I fell for who you are. That I wanted this to be played out right. I meant when I said I didn't want to rush this. You took the matter into your own hands. You washed them clean and brushed me aside. I can't even think...

The knot regrows by the hour. My heart aches by the second. Everyday I miss you even more. I can't shake this feeling... Of being alone. My hands no longer work. My eyes no longer see. Everyday I miss you even more. I want this pain To flutter with the wind. Nothing makes sense. When I'm not with you. Everyday I miss you even more. I feel like I lost it all When you decided to leave. You made me smile, endlessly. For a moment, all the pain drained away. Everyday I miss you even more. I can't shake this feeling Of always being alone. So before it all ends, I want you to know that I've been trying. To miss you a little less. Someday, your memory Will only be a lonely memory in the wind.

I always want what I can't have. Everyday it gets harder, Trying to forget you. You are what I want. I try to erase your touch  From my skin. But, it lingers on and on. You are what I dream about. I wonder about where it went wrong. How someone great Could walk away from my life. You are what I need to feel me. I think about your smile, Every time before I close my eyes. It's been six months. You are what I breathed for. Maybe it was all me. It's been six months since  I've seen your beautiful face. I pressured you and I'm sorry. I never thought it would end like this. Strangers for all eternity. I believed that somehow my luck has changed. That you wouldn't leave me... Like every other man in my life.  It felt like you were different. You made me feel like I was anchored down. As if I wouldn't fly away. Because you were with me. Now I feel like a broken record. Replaying all the memor...

When vacancy becomes the barrier. All the walls will come down. That's when you'll hear me call. Not before, not after. When air becomes too much. My heart will dry up. That's when I'm no more. Not before, not after. When hope becomes broken. All the faith will go with it. That's when you won't see me cry. Not before, not after. When love becomes overused. My lungs will flare up. That's when I won't fight for you. Not before, and not after. When pain becomes a friend. All the worries will be numb. That's when I'll never be seen again. Not before and not after. When the day will come, All will bow down to my vulnerability. That's when nothing will matter. You won't matter anymore. I've given up. You've taken all of me.

Everyday, gets a little easier. I think of you less, And try to let you go even more. It's okay, I'm okay. No matter what the future holds. You made me feel more, Safe, loved, and seen. It's okay, I'm okay. I didn't have to hide myself, From you because you saw me. You listened to me. It's okay, I'm okay. There was never a time Where I wanted to leave. You made me happy. It's okay, I'm okay. You drained away all the negatives. You numbed all my senses. Yet, heightened everything else. It's okay, I'm okay. Everyday that goes by, I hope for your return. I'll open my arms to you. It's okay to be afraid. I don't have regrets. I don't have resentment. All I needed was your honesty. Your clarity and your confession. So thank you, for a wonderful few months. My only wish is for you to find happiness. And everyday you shouldn't have to worry. It's okay, I'm okay. 

There aren't enough words, To replace the pain inside. I'm sorry for pressuring you, I never wanted to be that person. I wanted to be there for you, To be your person. There aren't enough first hellos, To make you see that I'm here for good.  Every kiss I wanted to make it last, For the sake of my heart. There aren't enough smiles, To make all of this okay. The intervals between clicked lips, Didn't last long as I craved for your touch. There aren't enough time, To hold onto you for good. Every moment with you was like the first, Exhilarating, beautiful and safe. There aren't enough embraces, To make me breathe on my own. I wanted to be the one you turned to, When you needed someone to be there. There aren't enough moments, To relive with you because you're not here. My heart will remember your touch, And my mind will know your person. There is enough love in me, For the both of us. I'll hol...

My anger and frustration of the so-called Truth, Is burning me to ashes. You look at me and you no longer exist. Just a coward who knows how to play the act. You never cared about me like you said you did. When all I ever did was speak to you with  Sincerity, Hope, Love and told you what I felt. Yet, I wasn't enough to make you do the same. You choose to ignore me because you think  You're a man but you aren't. Just a coward who doesn't deserve anything. When all you did was deserve everything. Now I look at your posts and see a man  I wish I never got to know. With tears in my eyes and fire in my heart. Deep down I knew you were just another boy With rude intentions, not respecting the woman you so call PREACH. I'm a magnet to jerks who think they are better  Than everyone. Think they are better than me. I deserve the explanation of why you chose to leave. You PREACH for no HOES but you are ONE yourself. I'm done with MEN , boys like y...

Your name trickles on repeat, Always on my mind. It's the one thing, That made me feel real. Your voice disappears, Deeper into my disfigured memory. It's the one thing, That I can't hold onto. Your touch imprints, Into the depths of my nervous skin. It's the one thing, I remember so clearly. Your beautiful face, Smiling into my eyes with clarity. It's the one thing, That made me calm. Your whole being, Held me tight in your embrace. It's the one thing,  That seemed right. You were the person, I'd give anything to love.

Flushed pink cheeks, Cracked finished smile. Hope for a forever after, Drifted away in just a second. Freshly cut beard, Awakening my heart. Like the Fourth of July. Igniting every depth of me. Chocolaty brown eyes, Fell asleep to my breathing. Holding me tighter, Never wanting to let me go. Circular dot beneath your eye, Perfectly aligned along my dreams. Shimmering beneath the twinkled light. Melting away by your unspoken words. Plump lips clicking to my skin, Arousing every emotion deeper. Branding my veins with your love, Slipping away into a cloud of nothingness. Your face brushing against mine, Sinking away only in my memory.

Being with you, was worth it. The short moments, Turned into long distances. I hardly remember your voice, And that scares me. Kissing you, was worth it. The intervals in between, Turned into a stranger. I hardly remember your touch, And that breaks me.  Holding you, was worth it. The strength within our embrace, Turned into cravings. I hardly remember you. And that burns me. Looking into your eyes, was worth it. The beauty shimmering, Turned into darkness. I hardly remember your face, And that takes away every part of me. You were worth it all, For that I'm grateful.

I can say that I miss you, But that won't bring you back. Many nights I cry myself to sleep. To the sound of your voice, And to the beauty of your face. I can say that it doesn't hurt, But that would make me a liar. Many nights I pray that you'd be okay. To heal you from the pain, And to make you stronger. I can say that I love you, But that wouldn't change anything. Many nights my lips remember yours. By the way you caressed my skin, And by the way you radiated warmth.  I can say that you didn't mean anything, But that wouldn't make the pain go away. Many nights I think about you. To the tightness of your hugs, And to the sound of your laugh. Yet, my eyes still look for your brown marbles. Which only makes my heart sink further. Without you, I'm nothing. And deep down you knew that, But you were just too terrified.       Deep down I knew that. If I would've known this was going to end, I would've painted your face on...

Please join me on this exciting journey for a novel inspired by my two grandmothers. I combined their beauty and strength into one character who has inspired those around them with their love. I want you to take the time to walk with me on this path toward my career as a writer.  I hope that I inspire you and encourage you to flourish into someone amazing. I also hope that this novel touches you in a beautiful way just like my grandmothers have done to me. So walk with me and we'll forever live in the "Moments of Impact".  Available  now on Amazon.      "In this new inspiring story about family dysfunctions and a search for self identity. Comes a family trying to make sense of this drastic loss of a woman who held the family together. A family that is now broken. Everyone lost someone, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a grandmother and even a wife. Through her own hardships with a drunken father and a sister who enjoyed her late nights out partying. Lucrec...

There isn't a day where my mind doesn't think about him. It lingers with the memory of happiness and purity, that nothing could stop us because we were together. Embracing the moments in which were ours. My mind tries to make sense of him leaving me and forgetting me while I willow away into the good memories. I feel as though my mind is circuited through him, that I'm alive to breathe the same air as he is because he was special in every possible way.          Still is. There isn't a day where my lips don't forget his touch. It reminds me every time I close my eyes, feeling his breath against my shaky skin. How could I forget? The way he held me and told me that he cared about me, that he wouldn't hurt me. Now, it's been more than a month since I've seen him and my skin cannot forget his touch. I embraced in his arms and forgot about the things that didn't matter because I was with him. Only he and I existed.         Now, he isn't ar...

His face willows in my unfailing memory,  It lingers with absolute tranquility,  My heart sizzles with love and joy.  He dazzles me with his great ability, To protect me and to know me. My mind searches for understanding, For his  unknowing  departure. My skin remembers the branding, As he goes off as a marcher. Always needing to flea. His brown marbles glisten, Beneath the dimmed stars. Attentive as he listens, To the start of his own memoir. Holding me while he thinks. My lips recall the first touch, Feeling the warmth tingle between two souls. Wanting him so much, Just like the light within our goals. Remembering the seconds between his blinks.  Engraving his person into the depths of who I am. As if he was my lion, and I was his lamb. 

There have been many times where I close my eyes, keep them shut to let the time pass by but then I hear your voice and my heart begins to shiver. I'm right back to where I started. Holding onto someone that no longer wants to be held, remembering your breath on my skin. There have been many times where I don't want to wake up because it's a reminder of what I lost. I blame myself for losing you because I couldn't navigate my feelings. My feelings to love you, to hold you. As my fingers fly across the keyboard my eyes begin to flood, holding back the tears so you wouldn't see my break. There have been many times where I thought all was well when I looked you in the eyes. How sincere and thoughtful you were when I was with you. But something changed, and I'm lost. I don't know where to go or which way to turn. I'm all around broken, shattered, and hopeless. Yeah, I guess it was my fault. I pressured you. I get that but you didn't have to leave me. Y...

It's very hard not to miss you.  Every breath I take gets harder. Your eyes were my cherished view. You were my suit of armor. Every vein in my body boiled with your love. Now it just sizzles with pain. Lost like an unforeseen glove. Battered like an unwired brain. It's very hard not to love you. I think about you all the time. Remembering you in a moment of hue. As we took that high climb.  You shine brighter than the sun. Blinding me with your smile. I'd give anything for you to be the one. While you watch me walk down the aisle. But it's very hard not to hear your voice. I remember your tone. You've given me no choice, But to throw away the stone. Just know, you were all I ever needed. To fill this void inside my heart.

To Him,  I held onto those moments where you held me tight in your arms, memorizing the details of your face, and how your smile glistened underneath the incoming sunlight through your bedroom window. I would give anything to not forget it but as time goes on, those details are slowly disappearing, and I don't know how to hold on if you've already let me go. My heart trembles with your abandonment, it's melting in the warmth of your hands, and you'll never understand how much you mean to me. How much I wanted, us, to be different. But you'll never be ready and I'm slowly realizing that all this... is nothing but my fault. I fell to quickly. I let you touch me and tell me that I mattered to you. When all you did was break every inch of my body, shattering every ounce of love that overfilled my heart, and you didn't mind. You thought everything was okay but don't you see that I'm hurting? That I can't take none of this anymore? That I must let yo...

My voice captured by your silence. Your voice trapped by your cold feet. I had no choice but to let you go. Even though I didn't want to. I wanted every bone in body to keep you. To hold you, to love you. But I knew if I did... Then you wouldn't want me. Yet, I held onto you for a long time. I waited for you for a long time. And I moved on. It was the hardest decision I had to make. Just like every other man, You stopped approaching me, Stopped talking to me, And stopped holding me. Just like every one else. You walked away, And I had to sacrifice Just like everything else. I had to let you go. Even though I never wanted to.

      When I'm with you. I forget all that surrounds me. I just listen to the sound of your breathing as you lay your face upon my lips. I listen to the sound of your heartbeat thump beneath my fingers as you begin to close your eyes to rest. You hold me tight when I feel cold, you warm every inch inside my body, stroking my skin upon my hand to let me know that you're not going anywhere. You lightly kiss my lips over and over, generating so much happiness in the depth of my core.         When I'm with you. I allow myself to let go of the past because all that really matters in this moment. The moment where you take me into your arms and soothe me to sleep. Every time I move, you pull me in tighter and I've never felt so safe. You make me feel comfortable and it scares me every time. It scares me that I could fall for you and you not with me. That terrifies me. Yet, right now I'm content. I don't need more than what you give me. You...