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I'm Scared

I'm scared that I won't
Feel the same way again
With a different love.
A different set of eyes.

The way you made me feel
Was unexplainable,
But very much real.
I can imagine you right now.

In this moment,
Writing this and
Praying that you'd 
See me this time.

I'm scared that I won't 
Feel fireworks the same way.
Skyrocketing to the sky
By your very kiss.

The way you made me feel
Was unconditional,
And authentic. I can 
Feel your hands touch my thigh.

In this moment,
Staring into your brown eyes.
As I lay beside you on 
Your worn out couch.

Remembering the feeling
I had when you nestled your
Face in the crook of my neck.
Laying behind me tightening your grasp.

I'm scared that I won't 
Feel the goosebumps stencil
Onto my skin every time you
Lightly grazed it with your fingertips.

The way you made me feel
Was easy and fast.
I can hear your voice in my 
Ears and the piano playing a similar tune.

Like it was yesterday.
But, it hasn't been yesterday
For months. Time goes by
But, my feelings never …
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Explaining You

Explaining you
To my friends,
My Family,
Is very hard to do.

I try to shine light 
On the person you are.
But, the darkness clouds
Over you.

Your actions buried you.

Explaining you to myself 
Is devastating and 
Unreal. Wanting to fix it.
Yet knowing I can't.

To fix the things 
That happened.
Trying to understand
Your reasons, but I couldn't.

I watched you disappear.

Explaining you
Is overwhelming.
Knowing that I want you,
Knowing that I care for you.

I can't show it,
Because you'd walk away you always do.
Failing you always do.

Your eyes weren't the same eyes.

Explaining you
To strangers 
Is hard because I try 
To give you the benefit of the doubt.

Knowing that my eyes
Show the hurt that hasn't
Disappeared, that hasn't
Wavered. Just broken.

Then you silenced your voice.

Explaining you
Came in waves.
Wrapping my head
Around the things I didn't do.

If I had just done things
Differently... Would we
Be together? Would we
Spending every Valentine,

Birthday, Holidays,
And anniver…

Consumption of You

The thoughts inside my head
Cloud my judgment,
Overrules my heart,
And drowns me with memories.

I didn't realize that
I got used to love
That put me second.
Instead of being first.

That the look in your 
Eyes were fake.
That the touch you
Stenciled on my skin wasn't true.

I think about it.
And I feel my heart
Get swallowed up whole.
Wondering how I didn't see it.

That your heart was 
Never mine to begin with.
That your thoughts were
Consumed by her name,

Her face, her touch,
And her inability
To put you first.
When that's all I did.

It's been 10 months
And for some reason
My heart doesn't fail to
Remind me how special you are.

Painting our future inside my head.
Serenading your promise
To love me forever.
Holding me tight in your arms of safety.

I think about you. Then
My heart craves for the same love.
The same genuine love
I gave you.

You're self-sabotaging yourself
Because you think you don't
Deserve any better than 
What you had.

But you do and that's what
Scares me, that you don't

Your Depth

I think about those days.
Full of bliss and wonder.
Where the sun never 
Failed to shine.

Where my sleep was
Awakened by your sweet words.
Where my heart was 
Glowing with happiness.

I think about those days.
Full of love and beauty.
Where my skin never 
Failed to show you my love.

Goosebumps stenciled onto 
My warm skin as you grazed
Your fingertips across my back.
Skyrocketing my heart to the sky.

I think about those days.
Before it all happened.
Before your touch turned cold.
Before you silenced your I love you's.

I think about those days 
Where every moment 
With you froze.
Where we laughed close together.

I think about you.
What we could've been.
What we could've lived.
What we could've shared.

If you hadn't broken my heart.
If you hadn't left me.
If you hadn't given up.
If you hadn't treated me like you did.

I think about you.
Searching for answers
As the time ticks away
And you still haven't returned.

I think about those days.
Where my heart fluttered
With happiness.
And you were …

The Letter

To Him:

The man I can't seem to stop thinking of. The man who invades my mind with images of your face, the perfect pitch of your voice, and the piano playing in the midst of the memory. Everyday, seems to grow harder as the days go by. My heart weakens by the very thought of not being strong enough. I think of those days where smiles illuminated its own sunlight for miles. Believing in your words like waken dreams I didn't know were mine.  I didn't know I wanted.

If I close my eyes long enough. I can begin to remember your giggle surfacing in that moment. Your voice so beautiful. Your body fresh to the touch, the hint of safety glistening off your skin--a safety I very much wanted to be wrapped in. I can't begin to think where we went wrong. Where I went wrong... Maybe if I had paid more attention. Maybe if I had understood you better. Maybe if I had steer clear from the arguments. Maybe then I'd be happy with you right now. Celebrating 1 year and 5 months instead o…

Sunlight Kisses

I open my eyes,
To catch my breath.
Feeling your love
Drift away.

The sting in my heart
Present, even after
Long 9 months 
Since you left.

I open my mouth,
To say the words
That have been clawing
At my insides.

But nothing comes out.
Feeling cold air
Invade my lungs.
Wanting you back.

I open my arms,
To bring you in.
Then quickly close them,
Because you aren't mine.

The sting in my chest,
Poisons the blood in
My veins, pumping
My chambers, out of synch.

I open my mind,
To find love again.
Then shut the thought away...
Again, waiting for you.

Wanting to forget your 
Touch, the way your
Skin heated off my body as
You nestled your face into my neck.

I open my heart,
So I can forget the memories.
The memories of us.
The laughs, the kisses, the touch.

I remember that moment
In the park, where you
Clinged to my body
Like you wanted me forever.

But, forever ended so quickly.
I didn't have the chance
To process.
Still, yearning for you in silence.

A silence that is eating me alive.
Slowly then all at once.
Praying for you to come…

My Brain Remembers

My brain remembers
Every touch,
Every moment,
And every kiss.

A flash of lightning,
That only lasts for seconds,
But lingers on for miles.
The things you said.

The things you promised.
And the word forever stamped
Onto my heart.
Made only for me.

My brain remembers
The way the corner
Of your lips cracked
Into a smile.

Remembering the soft
Gaze as you looked 
Into my eyes, never failing
Yet, always wondering.

If you were good enough
To hold a heart like mine.
And you were good enough.
Because I chose you.

My brain remembers
The way you dug
Your face into my hair. 
Pulling me closer

So I wouldn't fade.
If only you had realized
How I see you.
A heart full of gold.

A dream full of promise.
A warmth that nestled
Me into a sleep beside you.
Remembering you.

The way you were.
So talented that 
It took my breath away.
Hoping I was good enough

Hoping to live the rest
Of my days, studying 
Your every flaw,
Your every strength.

However, falling short.
Forcing me to live
Life without you, again.
Something I didn't want.

My brain rememb…