Closed Eyes

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There have been many times where I close my eyes, keep them shut to let the time pass by but then I hear your voice and my heart begins to shiver. I'm right back to where I started. Holding onto someone that no longer wants to be held, remembering your breath on my skin. There have been many times where I don't want to wake up because it's a reminder of what I lost. I blame myself for losing you because I couldn't navigate my feelings. My feelings to love you, to hold you. As my fingers fly across the keyboard my eyes begin to flood, holding back the tears so you wouldn't see my break.

 There have been many times where I thought all was well when I looked you in the eyes. How sincere and thoughtful you were when I was with you. But something changed, and I'm lost. I don't know where to go or which way to turn. I'm all around broken, shattered, and hopeless. Yeah, I guess it was my fault. I pressured you. I get that but you didn't have to leave me. You didn't have to hurt me. You didn't have to break me. However, every man is the same and you became one of those when you decided to break yourself from me completely. When you decided to break my heart. 

 Maybe the world is right. I don't deserve a happy ending because clearly I keep falling for the wrong. They always say, "Stop looking for him, he'll come." I call bull crap, he isn't coming. He won't come because I'm broken and damaged. All these scars won't heal because of them. No matter how much I hope to hear him one more time. I won't get it because I don't deserve it. 

 But I do deserve it. I deserve that and much more. I'm weary of being played with. I'm weary of giving all the love I have in me to just be broken in the end. I'm tired of getting my heart broken. I'm tired of it all and I want it to stop. There have been many times where I remember your handsome face glisten beneath the sunlight and how sincere you were.

 If only I had known that you would've broken my heart... then I wouldn't have let you get so close to me. 

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