An Orbit of a Lifetime

I'm staring at your messages, again.
Hoping that soon you'd text me.
So I know you're okay.
That you're happy.

My heart misses beating to your breathing.
My hands misses touching your prickled face.
My eyes misses looking at you for no reason.
My lips misses kissing you all the time.

So I'm staring at my phone.
Waiting for a phone call.
Just so I can hear your voice vibrate in my ears.
Like they always did.

Remembering closing my eyes,
Because I was so happy.
Remembering smiling every time,
I saw your name appear on my screen.

Now that my phone is silent.
I realized how much I miss you.
How I didn't appreciate you when I was yours.
How I didn't say the things I wanted to say.

My heart misses beating at the same moment yours did.
My hands misses lacing with yours at the same time.
My eyes misses seeing you play the piano.
My lips misses kissing you for no reason.

So I'm staring at my phone.
Waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
Just so I won't envision a life without you.
Like I never thought could happen.

My ears misses your voice.
My ears misses you singing through the piano.
I miss all the little things.
Making sure I had enough ranch for my french fries.

Making sure I was warm enough.
Making sure I was eating even when I didn't want to.
Making sure I was writing, for progress.
Making sure I knew you loved me.

By every breath you took.
By every word you said.
By every touch you gave me.
By every moment I spent with you.

I followed my heart when I said yes.
Never thinking I'd have to live a life without you, again.
Never thinking that you'd leave me.
Never thinking that I'd only have seven months.

When you promised a lifetime.
A lifetime in a isolated home.
A lifetime in a world together.
A lifetime of loving each other.

But promises are meant to be broken.
Just like my heart was meant to ache.
Yet, the thoughts of you are good memories.
Memories I'll always share.

I love you for your heart. 
I love you for your smile.
I love you for your love of music.
When you talked, your face lit up like a raging forrest.

And you made a wish to reach for the stars.
I landed in your orbit for seven months.
And I made a wish to be your shooting star.
To be your person, your quest--your forever.

We have a lifetime to make more mistakes.
And I might not be your forever.
But you were the closest TRUE love
I could've asked for.

Writing has helped me pour the grief.
So I won't bottle it up anymore.
Not wanting it to eat me alive.
The battles you're facing, you don't need to be alone.

I'll hold your hand.
Keep you safe.
I won't judge you.
I'll just be here to listen.

Maybe our chapter is over.
Maybe it isn't.
We won't really know until 
You're ready to give yourself fully.

I don't want to share you.
I know that now.
That you made the right decision.
Although, it feels like you didn't.

Just know that you'll always 
Be my first true love.
That you'll always be the 
One I've always been orbiting around.

Hoping that if we're meant to be,
Then we'll be.
That I'll make your orbit, indefinitely.
Never having a reason to part.

But having many reasons to stay.
And I'll be waiting as long as God permits.