A Week

It's been a week,
And I feel like you don't care.
You look at my stories,
And I imagine you brushing it off.

As if the time we spent together,
Meant nothing to you.
When it meant everything to me.
I thought you loved me.

I thought you cared.
I thought you understood
That I didn't want anyone else.
I thought you were my forever.

Well, that's what you promised.
When you gave me a ring.
You built me up,
Just to tear me down.

I believed every word
Like I've never heard the lie.
I didn't think you were a good actor.
Congrats, you won an Oscar.

You brushed me aside 
Like I was trash.
You knew my past,
I cried to you about the pain.

You promised me that you
Wouldn't do the same.
But, this time it's worse.
I trusted you with my heart.

I trusted you with my hands.
I trusted you with my mind.
I trusted you with my body.
I trusted you with my eyes.

That you weren't playing me.
That you meant every word.
I saw it in your eyes.
You can't fake that.

You gazed into my eyes
Like you had all the love in the world.
Made me believe that I was lucky
To have you in my life, in my heart.

You made me believe in love again.
When I didn't have the chance to give.
When I was at my lowest point.
When I thought I had you forever.

Was it all a lie? 
Every kiss, every caress, every touch?
Did you feel this raging passion?
Did you feel the same goosebumps run up your spine?

I didn't lie to you when I said I wanted you.
Every caress and embrace I gave you was real.
The raging passion was real.
The goosebumps overwhelmed my feelings.

It's been a week
And I feel like I've lost everything.
I feel like I've lost my best friend.
I feel like I've lost myself.

It might seem like I have it all together.
But the truth is... I'm dying inside.
Thinking all the negatives.
Leaving out the positives.

Wanting to hold you again.
Wanting to fight the stubbornness
In my brain, so I can have one more moment.
Wanting to avoid every piece of advice. 

I miss you, even when I feel like crying.
I love you, even when I feel like you don't.
I care for you, even when you don't want it.
I need you, even when you don't need me.

So, it's been a week.
And the pain is slowly going away.
Little by little, grieving becomes bearable.
Thoughts of you, don't strike me.

It's been a week.
Not hearing your precious voice.
Not holding your hands. 
Not kissing your skin.

Just know that I didn't want this.
I wanted more time with you.
I wish you hadn't left.
I wish you loved me enough.

The thoughts of you will
Become a reminder that I loved.
That I loved unconditionally 
For seven wonderful months.

Hoping that I touched your heart.
Hoping that you'll come home, someday.