Writing from the Heart

I lay awake to the sound of freedom. Holding back my breath. As I continue to open up, And forgive those who've wronged me. My eyes are weary of disappointment. My ears don't believe in the lies. My heart doesn't trust anymore. That's what you've done to me. I apologized to those who  Don't appreciate it. Those who don't  Appreciate me. I let in those who broke My heart, trust and friendship. As if I was down on one knee, Pleading for your forgiveness. My eyes are open to your eyes. You were just some illusion. You didn't care for me. You wanted to strip me naked. You were far from what  I had envisioned in my head. I praised you, trusted you. All you did was use me. For your own pleasures and satisfaction. Now, I am the one who doesn't Forgive you because you don't deserve it. You got what you wanted. I no longer find you appealing. More appalling than anything. You left me when I needed you. I won't forg...

Everyday I hope for it to get better. Where the sun always shined. And my smile never faded. Where my heart nervously waited. I sit here, nothing to make me better. You sit there, not even trying. My heart is the victim. My non-existent smile is the cause. My eyes only glisten for you. Even then, it's never enough. You listen to my words, As if they were shot guns going off. Not understanding my actions, My plead for you to see my side. My worry that you're going to leave. I didn't mean for this chaos to happen. I didn't mean to fall for you. I didn't mean to try and fix you. I have broken parts of me. That you can't fix. You have broken parts of you. That I can't fix. Never did I think this, Was going to be easy. I ask for you to try. But you keep aiming at me, With a pistol in your hand. Waiting for me to break. I don't understand your, Five year commitment. But I'm trying ...

I look into your face, Leaving your ever lasting trace. I hear your voice, Even though, we made a choice. To separate for so many years, Growing through the tears. Never thought I'd come back to you, We didn't have no clue. My heart is glowing, My blood is flowing. Feeling lightweight, As if reuniting was fate. For 5 years, I didn't think about you, Was selfish in the things I had to get through. I left you behind,  And I was blind. I didn't see what was in front of me, Always wanting to flee. To the things I thought were meant to be mine, I didn't know what I wanted even when I was nine. I've known you since we were small kids, Taking in what our parents always bid. Hoping that what they said wasn't true, Yet, somehow deep down we always knew. That God hand-made our souls, To find each other, and to achieve our goals. My heart was broken and thrown away, But you picked it up within a day. Reuniting like we never parted, P...

I hear it all in my head. Every sound, speech, and silhouette.  Some are clouded than others. Some are hyphened than most. I hear it all in my head. Every misused word. Every sentence ending in, "Not enough", "Really? Her?" I hear it all in my head. The beating heart. The vibrating blood cells.  Every single gasp of trapped air. Like I said, I hear it all. The tightening muscles. The aching pain in my joints. Every cry for help. It's when I'm alone, When I lay my head to sleep. I think about those  I've wronged, The ones I've lost. Due to my list of failures. It's me, I know it's me. I'm not their type. I'm too much of a rusher. I hear it all in my head. The burning tears by every droplet. The numbed feeling inside my heart. I feel it all, only reciprocated one sided. I hear it all in my head. The sound of your voice. The sound of your movement. As I lay myself to bed. Wanting to feel you crawl ...

I know it's nothing. But it is something. My heart tells me it's nothing good. Nothing I can control. I feel more broken  Than the year before. More weary and scared. I don't know how to handle. The thoughts inside my head. I know it's nothing.  But it is something. I can feel it in my bones. I feel more alone Knowing that you won't  Be there to guide me. You disappeared. I know it's nothing. But it is something. I can't share the things  I want to say to you. I feel more lost  Knowing that I can't pick  Up the phone to call you, To hear your voice. So you can tell me it's okay. I know it's nothing. But it is something. I'm terrified for the time to come. I feel like I lost you forever. Knowing that you won't be there For me, is terrifying. I wish I can tell you what I'm feeling. I know it's nothing.  But it is something. My family is hurting. I can see it in their eyes. I feel their pa...

Don't you know? The things you hide from, Will only leave you lonely. Takes your seconds away.  You have this idea of The perfect girl. So you deny those who Could love you. Don't you know? That you can't decide  Who you're meant for. Take your armor away. You believe you aren't worthy Of love, but you are more worthy, Now. Than ever before. You've learned, you've prospered. Don't you know? That you'd only regret, The chances you didn't make. Take your pride away. I can tell you all the reasons, To love you, to want you, to trust you. But, you won't break down your fear. No matter how much I try to convince you.  Don't you know? That your act isn't attractive. Playing me, convincing me of something more. Take your smirk away. I know I won't ever be more to you. Just a friend who isn't enough To your ideal girl. This idea inside your mind. You can tell me the things I want to hear. Then ...

I know how I am. How I say things without thinking. How I feel things without warning. How I want things without being lucky. Like I said, I know how I am. For that I'm sorry. For that I'm writing. The only way I can get over this hump. I always want the things I can't have. The things I imagine, When I'm laying on my bed. Right before I close my eyes. I know how I am. How I love without being reciprocated. How I want without getting. How I write, hoping you'd read every word. My heart desires to be loved back. My eyes desire to be gazed into. My ears desire to hear your voice. My hands desire to hold you. I've fallen short. I've hurt you. I've forgave you. I went off on you. For that I'm sorry. I understand you want nothing with me. Your wish is my command. Your silence speaks volumes. Although, the way you stared into my eyes... That can't be acted. Can it? Are you that good? That with every touch, you feel...

I can be loyal. I can be free. I can say your name. I can walk away. Dancing beneath the starlight. Nervous breaths taken by the room. Darkness enveloped around our bodies, As we cuddled beside each other.  I can be loyal. I can hold your hand. I can tell you the things you want to hear. I can play the part, just like you. Awakening to the mild sunlight, Messy hair, morning breath,  And the taste of your lips against mine. Waking me until I reacted. I can be loyal. I can be who you want me to be. I can love you. I can hate you. Pulling me tightly within your embrace. As you kiss every inch of my skin. Feeling my emotions burst, Like fireworks on 4th of July.  I can be loyal. I can take in your words. I can let the pain go. I can forget the things I don't want to remember. Breaking my heart. Sucking me dry. Feeling the numbness surround my body. As you walked, before I got to. Like I said, I can be loyal to you. Be faithful, ma...

Do you remember?  What you said on that starry night? Do you remember? My breath against your skin? I remember you, everyday. Like fresh brewed coffee on a Sunday Morning. Like freshly cut flowers on the window sill. Remembering those laced promises. They became static noise on a radio. Broken promises embedded in my fingernails. Remembering the touch of your skin. My heart beating like drummers. Do you remember? How you told me babe? Do you remember? That you weren't going to be like the others? I remember, wanting you. Feeling like time stopped because I had you. Like nothing else mattered. Remembering those webs of moments. Do you remember? My touch against your lips? Do you remember? The way I held you? I remember, loving you. Like you were my ray of sunshine. Like my way of breathing.  Remembering your person through all your mistakes. Texting me in the morning before I woke up. Always finding new ways to tell me, That I was beaut...

His green comets, Flushed with starlight. His hands intertwined  With my shaky hands. Nervousness bubbling Within my veins. He made it seem like Everything will be okay. As long as he was beside me. Just as long he wanted me to. Our voices laced with grace. As we fell asleep to each other's breaths. His green comets, Enveloped with love. His lips rested on my skin. I took a long breath.  Wanting everything to stay, To freeze time so I won't lose him. He complimented me. He gave me the attention I desired. What I always desired. Then his green comets Were no longer bright green. The star-love quality disappeared. And I was left with the brokenness of things. I was left starving to have him back. Forgotten, Lost, and Broken. I miss him, everyday. I see his eyes, everyday. I feel his touch, everyday. I hear his voice, everyday. Laced together in bittersweet memories. Memories I can no longer create. Memories I can no longer ...

I've held my breath. I've looked away. I've closed my eyes. I've said goodbye. Nothing is worse than Not knowing how you're doing. Without seeing your face, Without hearing your voice. I've tried to let go. I've tried not to think of you. I've tried to forget your touch. I've tried to hold on. Nothing is worse than Feeling you against my skin. As you caress my lips, While you felt nothing. You stared into my face, And I felt something. Something magical and right. But you, however, didn't. Nothing is worse than  Holding your hand. Knowing that any second, You're about to let go. I've hugged you tight. I've smelled your cologne Rub off onto my clothes. I've loved you. Nothing is worse than Sitting beside you. Knowing that I won't  See you again.  Do you know how I feel? Do you even care? Did you even feel anything? Did you even want me? I've held my breath, To the sound of your ...

Hold your breath, Grab my hand. Count to three, And reach for the stars. Believe you got it all. That you know it all. Right from the start, Say a prayer. Your voice calms me down. Always holding me tight. I know I'm so far  From reaching you. Hold out for another few years. I'll be ready to take the fall. Writing novels, poems, and lyrics. Will get me to you. Patience is something I can't touch. Wanting to fast forward, Five more years. To find my happiness. They make it look so simple. Finding and receiving their dreams, So easily, while I'm still stuck. Trying to hold on for a tad longer. A few years back, my dream Seemed so clear. Now, I'm here still trying But failing to keep going. My day will come, When it does I'll be happy. He won't matter to me. Because I have something to fall on. I have something I've always wanted. So, hold your breath. Count to three. And reach for the stars. Your dream will come...