In My Head

I hear it all in my head.
Every sound, speech, and silhouette. 
Some are clouded than others.
Some are hyphened than most.

I hear it all in my head.
Every misused word.
Every sentence ending in,
"Not enough", "Really? Her?"

I hear it all in my head.
The beating heart.
The vibrating blood cells. 
Every single gasp of trapped air.

Like I said, I hear it all.
The tightening muscles.
The aching pain in my joints.
Every cry for help.

It's when I'm alone,
When I lay my head to sleep.
I think about those I've wronged,
The ones I've lost.

Due to my list of failures.
It's me, I know it's me.
I'm not their type.
I'm too much of a rusher.

I hear it all in my head.
The burning tears by every droplet.
The numbed feeling inside my heart.
I feel it all, only reciprocated one sided.

I hear it all in my head.
The sound of your voice.
The sound of your movement.
As I lay myself to bed.

Wanting to feel you crawl next to me, 
To hide me from the world.
To protect me when I'm afraid.
To never let me go even when it's time.

Like I said, I feel it all.
Your lies bathing me in vinegar.
Your touch lingering like acid.
Your scent burning into my memory.

I hear it all in my head.
"It's not you, it's me."
"I'm too busy to go out."
"You deserve so much more."

Yet, I deserved you in,
Those moments. 
I deserved the happiness,
You gave me.

You chose to leave me.
Know that it was never my decision
To part. It was easy for you.
Just like every embrace that night.

You wiped me off like soap.
You lied to my face.
You made me believe again.
You aren't the victim.

I hear it all in my head,
Your voice, your heartbeat.
Even the words, "You're the most beautiful."
Yet, I was never good enough for you.

I held you up.
Then I let you go.
There are no more reasons to fight.
No more reasons to try.

You wanted distance?
Well, Baby you've been granted.