Writing from the Heart

Enough is enough. I'm weary of disappointment. I can only be left so many times, Before believing I'm the problem. And so I am t he problem--  You left me just like the last. I wanted more time. I wanted so much more with you. I can say you were like the rest. To make me feel better. But, you weren't. You were different than the last. That's why it makes this so much harder. I didn't want to lose you. You made me feel seen. You made me different. At first I wasn't all in. Little by little, you made me invest in you. You made me believe in you. Made me even trust you. Then slowly, you began to disappear. I saw it, but I refused to believe it. I refused to see that you Were going to be like the others. Baby, my heart had been broken Five times before this. Most hurt more than others. You made it to number six. You became another listed bullet point. Yet, I didn't want you to be another Added number to my list of failures. ...

I've thought about this a lot. I wish I can say that I dislike you, For all the reasons you didn't Choose me. Love me. Want me. I've wanted to hit you until It was enough to make me feel better. To make me not hate myself For losing you. I've thought about this every second. I wish I can say that I've moved on. That you don't effect me anymore. But, every time I get pulled into the memories. Our memories, your lies and my wants. You played me like a tambourine. You were delicate and careful. I thought I was enough to bring you happiness. Then that tambourine grew dust, Lost beneath your bed. I became lost and forgotten. You didn't want me anymore. I became used, old and retired. I no longer played the tone you wanted to hear, Or entertained you the way I used to. A lost, unwanted instrument beneath your bed. I've thought about all the things I could've done different. To keep you interested and to make you feel loved. ...

Hey there, handsome, So full of wisdom. And hope for the future. Sometimes it all gets weary. You know playing the part, To get the girl. Just be yourself, And find your balance. You're so great, handsome. Smiling into my eyes, And making me feel known--seen. All I wanted was pure honesty. Instead of being ghosted, Out of existence. Stripping me bare, And taking my heart with you. Are you happy, handsome? Do you feel complete? Do you feel like you can take on the world? Are you proud of the man you became? I look into your face, And all I saw was goodness. Hope for a bright future. Hope that you'd be mine forever. Hey there, handsome.  I miss you. And I know you might not. That's okay. Even with all the pain, I still want the best for you. I want you to feel okay and good. Nothing ever comes easy. You're getting there, handsome. Just a few more steps, And you're golden. You'll find your way. You'll find the girl w...

The doubts of always being left, Burns into the depths of my skin. Scarring me until I can't breathe. Until I'm in a restless sleep, alone. My heart has been torn, Between the hands of wrath. Making it harder for me to let go, And just be myself. The doubts of you leaving, Surfaces into my mind. Imagining you with a suitcase in hand. As I stare at you-- beg you not to go. My voice has been shut down, Between the hands of selfishness. Making it harder for me to be happy, And just be who I want to be. The doubts of my insecurities, Get the best of me as I stare into the void. Wondering if my luck will ever change. That I won't be left naked and alone. My eyes have stared into your soul, Between the hands of stagecraft. Hoping that I wasn't just another puppet, In your play-- begging you to let me be. The doubts of always being left, Consumes every inch of my battered body. Waiting for destiny to hold me, For even just a moment. To heal m...

I've forgotten what it was like. To love with all my heart. The hopes and dreams, Just becomes a blur. Nothing else holds the flame. I've been beaten, battered. Broken to bits of pieces. All the while you watch. My eyes have been poisoned. My skin has been torn. My voice has been cut. And my heart slowly died. I've forgotten what it was like. To feel special in someone's eyes. The feeling of happiness, Embedded into my smile. Yet, nothing else really mattered. I've been played, unworthy. Suffocating till my last breath. All the while you laugh. My eyes have leaked blood. My skin has turned pale white. My voice is no longer useful. And my heart slowly turned to ash. I've forgotten what it was like. To be happy in your arms. The hope for forever after. Written into our future. That isn't how it works. Life, takes turns and flips. Shapes us into who we need to become. Along with pain and darkness. I close my eyes to your ...

I got what I wanted. The honesty and the truth. Yet, it was nothing I wanted. I envisioned better moments. Moments of laughter and clarity. All I got was the hurtful truth. The unwavering unsettling heart ache. Yet, everything in between. It was all me, it was all in my head. The feelings, the hope, and the safety. You didn't want what I want. Now I can clearly move on. Move away from a path of pain. And into a road of love. You're right I deserve someone better. I always have. I guess I just wanted to hold, Onto you longer, tighter. I didn't want to live another Day-- holding onto someone. Who didn't want to be held. Who didn't want me. But, we can't be friends, can we? There's too much chemistry. Not enough sincerity. There's no future for us. Now, I know that. With every punctured vein left, I let go. I've forgiven, I've forgotten, and I'll move forward. I won't look back. I won't turn around...

Everyday, I hope for you to see. That I wasn't going anywhere. Anywhere I wanted to go. With you, is where I wanted to stay. Everyday, I wish for you to understand. That it wasn't all about you. It was about me, too. Yet, you chose the easier route and left. Everyday, I pray that you had good reasons. That you thought it through. With clarity and love. But that wasn't how you decided. Everyday, I hope to see you once again. To get a better understanding. Of why I'm lost and broken. You don't seem to care, do you? Everyday, I wish you had thought about me. How I was going to take it. My thoughts of your silence. But you only thought of yourself. Everyday, I pray that you'll realize that this Was for real, that I fell for who you are. That I wanted this to be played out right. I meant when I said I didn't want to rush this. You took the matter into your own hands. You washed them clean and brushed me aside. I can't even think...