Writing from the Heart

Little hands kiss my face With so much love. An overwhelming grace Fills my world from above. Holding those little hands so tight, Engraving their touch in my mind. Hearing their voices during the dark night. My babies so small is what I hope I'd find. Nothing can stop the time from making you grow, Even if I wish on a magical lamp. Time will never begin to slow. I gotta take the inevitable like a champ. When I look into your eyes,  I engrave your smile into my collection. As little you  becomes more wise And more independent--no longer needing Mama's affection. Loud voices fill the room,  Even when I crave for some hushed tones. I remember you inside my womb, All the aches on my bones. Even the soreness from all the weight. The little kicks against my tummy, Wanting to get closer to that due date. I was such a little dummy. Always in a rush, never taking it all in. Wanting time to slow down enough for me to catch up. So I take pictures of every little grin Until you offi...

Things are different now. I'm happy and feel beautiful. I'm loved and protected. I laugh more than I cry. Things are different now. My heart is in a safe place. My eyes are seeing the world. My ears can hear his voice. Things are better now. There's no more weight Hanging over my shoulders. There's no more pain. Things are better now. I don't find myself  Crawled up in a ball-- Crying the night away As you close your eyes And rest for the night. You look happy. And I'm happy for you. We weren't good together. We weren't meant for each other. We got caught up in the familiarity Of our childhood... Warm kisses and safe touches. You sucked me into your sadness. Making me believe that I didn't Deserve any better than what I was given. Things are brighter now. The sun is kissing my skin. Love is embracing me with warmth. Laughter is surrounding me with safety. Things are brighter now. He wakes up everyday, Tells me he loves me. And I fall more in love wit...

When I'm with him, It feels safe--normal. I don't have to fight To get a droplet of love. He gives it willingly, Something your actions Failed to give and Your words failed to say. When I'm with him, It feels like time has stopped. For countless hours. Timeless with so much joy. I don't have to chase him, To get a droplet of love. He holds me tight, He kisses my forehead with care. When I'm with him, He never fails to amaze me. By his grace and patience. By his attention and humor. I don't argue with him Like I did with you. Where every word stung. Where every action burned. Believing that I wasn't  Good enough for you. Believing that I was  The problem. He doesn't make me feel small. He doesn't make me feel unworthy. To the point where I'd lose myself Just to get a droplet of love. When I'm with him, I can conquer the world. He supports me in ways  You could not. He respects my family  And fits in like a puzzle piece I had been missing When ...

Ever since you left, I've felt more alone, More distant, More not myself. Like a wilted red rose , Searching for water And sunlight so its petals Can bloom again. But the soil beneath the Wilted red rose Is dry and sad. The sunlight non-existent. Ever since you left, I've felt the world stop. Time stopped existing, But the separation between us Has grown further apart. Strangers in the darkest Of nights, waiting for the Sunlight to illuminate  Our broken and lonely hearts. My skin missing the tips of Your fingers, gently outlining My body, generating goosebumps All over my skin. That feeling has been missing For almost two years and  No one has compared to you. Your bright brown eyes Staring into mine as if they Somehow belonged. Our bodies piecing together As if we were some grand puzzle. The shiver you generated through My body was something inexplainable. Just how my heart doesn't fail To beat to your name rolling through My mind as if you were meant to be there. Living ...

If I were to write our story. Do you know what I'd write? I'd write you in the perfect light. Where the sun glazes over  Your brown marbles, Beneath your glasses, And where the wind kisses Away your tears. You always wanted me  To write our imperfect Love story and even if We didn't end up together We made one hell of a story. Mesmerized by your ability  To play the piano as if your Eyes were closed. As if you composed the music. Perfectly and undeniably amazing. If I were to write our story, I'd hold you in my arms. I'd kiss your cheeks, I'd whisper in your ear, I'd dig my face into the Crook of your neck. I'd make us get married. I'd make us grow a family. I'd make us better at communicating. I'd make us last forever. If I were to write our story, I'd close my eyes and find you. I'd write a story where we  Were made for one another. Instead of living in this life Where you didn't let me in, Where you didn't let me love you. ...

Christmas lights down Main Street, your brown Eyes beneath the sky Your smile so shy. Two years ago, Our heartbeat so slow Counting the seconds Between every caress. Churros, popcorn, New Orleans, Kisses that felt like fireworks. Holding me close to your body As the cold blew against our cheeks. Holding hands, whispering In each other's ears as we  Waited in line for the next Ride of our lives. This was the moment Where I believed we  Were going to last forever, Holding onto Disney Magic. Photos in front of  Walle & Eve, your smile So magical that it felt  Like a dream. A dream I never thought I'd wake up from. The way you looked into  My eyes couldn't be fake. Or could it?  How did I let my dream Consume my judgement? As you held me close During the Haunted Mansion. Stealing kisses when it was  Dark enough, my skin Trembling every time you touched me. My arms wrapped around  Your neck as you held me At my waist, feeling so tiny. Pulling ...

A trip down memory lane, Ice skating, laughing, lovin' Your smile branded into my brain. Our hearts beating, woven Together like lace. A perfect day, stilled Frozen in cold space. Our bodies thrilled. Your laugh echoing in my ears, My hands kissing your cheeks. Hopeful for the years, Ahead, even in the upcoming weeks. A trip down memory lane, White Hallet Davis & Co.  Singing in the time of rain. The notes falling like snow. Your lips touching mine Behind a rolled down window, Hoping that time will make it fine. That I won't miss you. It's been two years since that Moment, social media doesn't fail To remind me of my prince. As if I'm behind bars in jail. Waiting for you to release me, Hoping you'd come home. So I can rejoice in glee. Maybe take a trip to Rome. A trip down memory lane, Weary kisses from a well-fed nap. Love running through my veins. Our bodies filling in the gap. Holding you closely to my body. Branding your touch into my skin. You were alwa...

I want this to end. Don't want to feel. Don't want to think. Don't want to love. You make it a habit. Talking to me just  To see what I'd say. You haven't changed. The brokenness you feel Has always been existent Even in the time we spent  Together...making me feel broken. I deserved more time. I deserved to be loved. I deserved your trust. I deserved your commitment. You speak words of regret. But your actions don't change. You say leaving me was your  Biggest mistake. Then you make it clear That you're still with the  Same girl you left me for. The same girl you spent More than 365 days with. Giving her the time I deserved. Giving her the attention I deserved. You haven't changed. I don't think you ever will. By the time you realize it. The opportunity of us Would be long gone. I can't wait for you to wake up. I've moved on and you did too. You only gave me 7 months. 210 days...that's all I deserved in your eyes. You have no right to te...

I wish there were enough Words to tell you just how Much I miss you, your  Eyes, your breath, your lips. The things I want to say Become lost in the silence Between the waves of  Static. Labored. Non-existent. When I least expect it, You pull me back in  With an ease that only You can do--create. I respond casually, Thinking that the conversation Would lead to an apology  Or a pathway back to each other. I hope you got enough  Of a dosage of my attention. So you can go on for another  Five months with no communication. The actions I want to express Become frozen in a state of  Wonder, hoping that someday I can hold you again. To kiss your cheeks, Your neck, your lips, And your chin. To feel your breath Linger against my collarbone As I breathed in your scent. A scent I no longer remember. A scent I wish I had back. I wish there were enough Words to tell you that I  Never wanted to give up on us. I had so much hope for the future. So...

Is it weird that I still remember The last movie we saw together, The last meal we ate together, The last time you said, 'I love you?' My mind still remembers The pitch of your voice. It's more distant now, but it's there. Your giggle tickling my neck. My heart still remembers The touch of your skin. It's subtle, but it's there. Your lips kissing my cheeks. Is it weird that I still remember The last time we went out on a real date, The last time you came over, The last time we argued? My mind still remembers The curve of your smile. It's non-existent now, but it's there. Your legs wrapping around my waist. My heart still remembers The window kisses. It's something I wish I can get back. Your nose dancing alongside mine. Is it weird that I still remember The last time I heard you play the piano, The last time you played the guitar, The last time you believed in us? It's like my heart doesn't  Want my mind to forget The one person, I've lov...

Your eyes were my favorite The chocolaty surface That gazed into my face With simplicity and truth. My heart fluttering by Your touch that Friday Evening beneath the stars. Your touch felt like a piece Of Heaven, so beautiful. I felt like I had the world Because I had you. My childhood love Igniting that ember  Inside my heart. Revived, New, Transformed. The touch of your skin Electrified all my senses As I pulled you close on That one humid night. The promise of Forever Stained your lips with A brokenness I didn't  Think was possible Until seven months later. When you played the piano I felt my heart drum To the rhythm of your tune. The softness of your hair Was also one of my favorites. Raking my fingertips  Through your hair  Gave me an ease I didn't know existed. The beat of your heart Synched with mine Like two bodies  But one soul. Most of all, my best  Favorite thing Was you loving me The way I loved you. Sitting beside me  As I dug my...

It's weird I woke up One morning with  A heavy chest, And soaked pillows. Wrapped up in your Green jacket, the one You gave me when We went ice skating. Knowing that the sun Shined brightly through The windows but that my Eyes were stained with sadness. Waking up to a morning With the lack of good Morning texts that said,  "Good morning Darling" A phrase that always lit Up my face brighter than The sun itself. But my  heavy heart Fell into the acid of my stomach. I woke up one morning Knowing that you weren't Mine to hold, to love, and To keep safe. My arms were empty And the memories leaked Out only the bad ones. I willed for the good ones To flood my mind. To make me forget. To understand what happened. Begging to hear those three words again. They were silent. You fell silent  And I blamed myself for it. Blamed myself for the tears In your eyes, the Poison spilling from your tongue, The storm inside your mind, And th...

I'm scared that I won't Feel the same way again With a different love. A different set of eyes. The way you made me feel Was unexplainable, But very much real. I can imagine you right now. In this moment, Writing this and Praying that you'd  See me this time. I'm scared that I won't  Feel fireworks the same way. Skyrocketing to the sky By your very kiss. The way you made me feel Was unconditional, And authentic. I can  Feel your hands touch my thigh. In this moment, Staring into your brown eyes. As I lay beside you on  Your worn out couch. Remembering the feeling I had when you nestled your Face in the crook of my neck. Laying behind me tightening your grasp. I'm scared that I won't  Feel the goosebumps stencil Onto my skin every time you Lightly grazed it with your fingertips. The way you made me feel Was easy and fast. I can hear your voice in my  Ears and the piano playing a similar tune. Like it was yesterday...

Explaining you To my friends, My Family, Is very hard to do. I try to shine light  On the person you are. But, the darkness clouds Over you. Your actions buried you. Explaining you t o myself  Is devastating and  Unreal. Wanting to fix it. Yet knowing I can't. To fix the things  That happened. Trying to understand Your reasons, but I couldn't. I watched you disappear. Explaining you Is overwhelming. Knowing that I want you, Knowing that I care for you. I can't show it, Because you'd walk away Again...like you always do. Failing me...like you always do. Your eyes weren't the same eyes. Explaining you To strangers  Is hard because I try  To give you the benefit of the doubt. Knowing that my eyes Show the hurt that hasn't Disappeared, that hasn't Wavered. Just broken. Then you silenced your voice. Explaining you Came in waves. Wrapping my head Around the things I didn't do. If I had just done things Di...

The thoughts inside my head Cloud my judgment, Overrules my heart, And drowns me with memories. I didn't realize that I got used to love That put me second. Instead of being first. That the look in your  Eyes were fake. That the touch you Stenciled on my skin wasn't true. I think about it. And I feel my heart Get swallowed up whole. Wondering how I didn't see it. That your heart was  Never mine to begin with. That your thoughts were Consumed by her name, Her face, her touch, And her inability To put you first. When that's all I did. It's been 10 months And for some reason My heart doesn't fail to Remind me how special you are. Painting our future inside my head. Serenading your promise To love me forever. Holding me tight in your arms of safety. I think about you. Then My heart craves for the same love. The same genuine love I gave you. You're self-sabotaging yourself Because you think you don't Deserve any ...