Writing from the Heart

I'm scared that I won't Feel the same way again With a different love. A different set of eyes. The way you made me feel Was unexplainable, But very much real. I can imagine you right now. In this moment, Writing this and Praying that you'd  See me this time. I'm scared that I won't  Feel fireworks the same way. Skyrocketing to the sky By your very kiss. The way you made me feel Was unconditional, And authentic. I can  Feel your hands touch my thigh. In this moment, Staring into your brown eyes. As I lay beside you on  Your worn out couch. Remembering the feeling I had when you nestled your Face in the crook of my neck. Laying behind me tightening your grasp. I'm scared that I won't  Feel the goosebumps stencil Onto my skin every time you Lightly grazed it with your fingertips. The way you made me feel Was easy and fast. I can hear your voice in my  Ears and the piano playing a similar tune. Like it was yesterday.

Explaining you To my friends, My Family, Is very hard to do. I try to shine light  On the person you are. But, the darkness clouds Over you. Your actions buried you. Explaining you t o myself  Is devastating and  Unreal. Wanting to fix it. Yet knowing I can't. To fix the things  That happened. Trying to understand Your reasons, but I couldn't. I watched you disappear. Explaining you Is overwhelming. Knowing that I want you, Knowing that I care for you. I can't show it, Because you'd walk away Again...like you always do. Failing me...like you always do. Your eyes weren't the same eyes. Explaining you To strangers  Is hard because I try  To give you the benefit of the doubt. Knowing that my eyes Show the hurt that hasn't Disappeared, that hasn't Wavered. Just broken. Then you silenced your voice. Explaining you Came in waves. Wrapping my head Around the things I didn't do. If I had just done things Diff

The thoughts inside my head Cloud my judgment, Overrules my heart, And drowns me with memories. I didn't realize that I got used to love That put me second. Instead of being first. That the look in your  Eyes were fake. That the touch you Stenciled on my skin wasn't true. I think about it. And I feel my heart Get swallowed up whole. Wondering how I didn't see it. That your heart was  Never mine to begin with. That your thoughts were Consumed by her name, Her face, her touch, And her inability To put you first. When that's all I did. It's been 10 months And for some reason My heart doesn't fail to Remind me how special you are. Painting our future inside my head. Serenading your promise To love me forever. Holding me tight in your arms of safety. I think about you. Then My heart craves for the same love. The same genuine love I gave you. You're self-sabotaging yourself Because you think you don't Deserve any