I'm Scared

I'm scared that I won't
Feel the same way again
With a different love.
A different set of eyes.

The way you made me feel
Was unexplainable,
But very much real.
I can imagine you right now.

In this moment,
Writing this and
Praying that you'd 
See me this time.

I'm scared that I won't 
Feel fireworks the same way.
Skyrocketing to the sky
By your very kiss.

The way you made me feel
Was unconditional,
And authentic. I can 
Feel your hands touch my thigh.

In this moment,
Staring into your brown eyes.
As I lay beside you on 
Your worn out couch.

Remembering the feeling
I had when you nestled your
Face in the crook of my neck.
Laying behind me tightening your grasp.

I'm scared that I won't 
Feel the goosebumps stencil
Onto my skin every time you
Lightly grazed it with your fingertips.

The way you made me feel
Was easy and fast.
I can hear your voice in my 
Ears and the piano playing a similar tune.

Like it was yesterday.
But, it hasn't been yesterday
For months. Time goes by
But, my feelings never cease.

My mind still retreats back to you.
Remembering the way you 
Gave me window kisses before I went home.
Whispering in my ear you loved me.

The smile on your face
Was real in those moments 
With you. But, those moments
Are just memories.

I'm scared that I won't
Feel the same kind of love.
The love I'd do anything for.
The love that nervously touched my skin.

The way you made me feel
Was nothing like I felt before.
You were kind, gentle, and sweet.
You made sure I was happy.

Holding me tight when 
We watched the "Nun".
You knew how terrified I got.
Laughing with me 

When we watched "Impractical Jokers".
I can hear your laugh right now.
So clear and focused.
Your voice clinging to my ear drums.

The way you made me feel
Was like waking up to fireworks
Everyday, bright and colorful.
Like hot coffee warming up my heart.

I counted the seconds between our kisses.
I counted the seconds between our breaths.
I counted the seconds between our heartbeats.
Always synchronized together, as one soul.

I'm scared that I won't feel 
The same kind of love you gave me.
I felt like I had the world
Because I had you.

But in the last moments,
You weren't you, you weren't
The same caring and wonderful 
Man I knew I loved.

You were different.
Your eyes were sad.
It was a cry for help that 
You weren't you.

I counted the seconds 
On how long it would take
For you to see me,
To understand I wasn't leaving.

I'm scared that I won't
Ever admire the piano
The same way I admired it when
You played a song.

As if you wrote it yourself.
Elegant and beautiful.
Sitting behind you, 
Recording you into my brain.

Just so when I'm sitting alone.
I can playback that moment
And relive it over and over.
So I won't forget how I felt.

I'm scared that I won't 
Fall in love again.
I'm scared that you've
Forgotten what we shared--me.

I never wanted this.
Now, that I've had time to think.
I wish you'd come back
So I could relive more moments with you.

To have a gallery of 
Many firsts. 
To not forget how you
Made me feel lucky.

I'm scared that I won't 
Feel the same way again. 
Running my fingers through
Your long brown hair

As you lay on my lap,
Closing your eyes to the safety.
Loving you was something
I wanted forever.

To never look back,
But to live a future 
Moving forward.
Missing you immensely.

Remembering the way 
You held me tight,
The way you looked into my eyes,
And the way you said, "Banana".

Breathing in your scent,
But knowing I've forgotten
What you smelled like.
You always laughed at me

When I dug my face into 
Your neck. All I wanted to do
Was brand it into my memory.
Remembering the way 

You said, "Darling" every 
Morning the sun drew in the sky.
Wishing I could go back there.
To never forget.

To remember the way my heart
Felt when I was your Lois Lane.