Consumption of You

The thoughts inside my head
Cloud my judgment,
Overrules my heart,
And drowns me with memories.

I didn't realize that
I got used to love
That put me second.
Instead of being first.

That the look in your 
Eyes were fake.
That the touch you
Stenciled on my skin wasn't true.

I think about it.
And I feel my heart
Get swallowed up whole.
Wondering how I didn't see it.

That your heart was 
Never mine to begin with.
That your thoughts were
Consumed by her name,

Her face, her touch,
And her inability
To put you first.
When that's all I did.

It's been 10 months
And for some reason
My heart doesn't fail to
Remind me how special you are.

Painting our future inside my head.
Serenading your promise
To love me forever.
Holding me tight in your arms of safety.

I think about you. Then
My heart craves for the same love.
The same genuine love
I gave you.

You're self-sabotaging yourself
Because you think you don't
Deserve any better than 
What you had.

But you do and that's what
Scares me, that you don't
See the beauty inside yourself.
Like I did, when I had you.

I know I'm too blame
For what's to come
And for what happened.
I don't know what to say.

My heart hurts
Because I couldn't keep
You safe, that I couldn't
Keep you from hurting.

My mind is weary
Of the consumption 
Of your face, your voice,
And your touch.

When will it finally be over?
Where I look back and smile?
Instead of wondering what 
We could've been?

You just couldn't get over her.
What was the use of using me?
When it couldn't sedate your demons?
When it couldn't make you forget?

Did you forget what we meant 
To each other when we were younger?
Did you forget what you felt for me then?
Why wasn't I enough to give you all my love?

You talked about meeting half way
But you stopped doing so
As if all the voices inside your head
Told you, that you weren't enough.

Was there something I could've said?
It hurts me how your mind 
Could make you feel so worthless.
That you don't deserve a genuine love.

That's what the cards you dealt right?
You think that nothing good can come 
To you. Something authentic, 
Wonderful and beautiful.

So, you chose the disease
Instead of soaking in paradise.
You chose to be unhappy.
It's how you feel safe right?

So before you go,
Can you whisper the lie
I love to hear?
That you love me and no one else.

That the girl who broke your 
Heart, means nothing
And that I mean everything.
Can you feed me the lie?

The thoughts inside my head,
Cloud my reasoning,
Overrules my feeling,
And drowns me alongside your pain.

I miss you, but you don't care.
I love you, but you don't feel it.
I wish you the best, but you tell lies.
I want you, but you want her.

I accepted you for who you were.
But, you failed to see me.
Being wanted was what I needed.
And you never knew what you really wanted. 

So, I fell in love with a man who
Had no intention of loving me forever.