My Heart

My heart feels non-existent.
Feeling hollowness inside my chest.
A chest you used to kiss your ear to.
The same chest that sang every single time.

My fingers feel numb.
Feeling the blood cease to exist.
The same fingers that slid through your hair.
The same fingers that touched your hands.

My lips forgot the touch of yours.
Feeling the tingle disappear.
A set of lips that kissed you one last time.
A set of lips that was fooled by your touch.

My eyes are having trouble seeing.
Feeling my vision disappear like you did.
My eyes used to gaze into your windows.
My eyes used to memorize your face.

The silence between us has been hard.
I've been wanting to reach out.
However, watching videos to make me not to.
I can't fall so low anymore.

I've done it in the past.
I've let men step over me.
And make me go so low.
I vowed not to make the same mistakes.

Although, I already did.
I begged you to not leave.
In the moment, I thought you'd change your mind.
Soon after, I knew in my heart I couldn't.

I can't change a stubborn man's heart.
If you had, then you would't be the man
I fell in love with.
It wouldn't be you.

Just like how hard this has been.
Writing these words you won't ever read.
Letting you go again, is the hardest thing.
In the end, I still love you.

Even when they tell me I shouldn't.
I still do because my love for you was genuine,
It was authentic and real.
It wasn't envious nor jealous.

My heart believed that I wouldn't
Have to search for another heart to love.
It's set on you, on your person.
That with time, it would only be subtle.

My mind believed that I was the heroine
Of your story-- the childhood love story.
It's set on what we could've been.
That with time, it would disappear.

To you, I was just a chapter.
At least that's what you told me.
That's what you believed at the time.
You didn't have it in your heart to keep me.

If that's the case, then why should
I hold onto someone that doesn't
Want to be held anymore?
That doesn't want me.

I apologized to you when 
You started the argument.
I breathed it in, blamed myself
For you leaving.

At times, I wasn't trying to argue.
You took it as I was pointing 
My gun to your head.
I wasn't.

I expressed myself and
You didn't accept me for who I was.
You yelled at me and told me 
That you didn't care about my pain.

The pain you caused me
Because you didn't want to see me.
But, I accepted you-- your endless flaws
With open arms.

And with time apart, 
I'll still accept you.
Always have, always will.
It won't change.

Just like my luck hasn't changed.
I thought I found forever.
Instead, I received heartbreak.
Pain that will live on forever.

And so my heart feels non-existent.
Feeling hollowness inside my chest.
A chest you once kissed your ear to.
The same chest that sang every single time.

With heavy words, My hope is 
To find someone who values me, who loves me.
Someone who would take a bullet for me
Without hesitation.

Someone who wants to keep me safe.
Someone who doesn't walk away like you did, again.