Writing from the Heart

Every night I close my eyes. To the sound of your voice, To the silhouette of your face, And to the memory of your touch. Wondering how everything can  Get better when I have no drive. No drive to smile even when I need to. No drive to laugh because I miss you. Every moment with you wasn't perfect. But every minute with you  I was reminded of why I loved you. Your heart, your laugh and your smile. To me you were my forever person. I remembered staring into your face As you slept away your weariness. Cuddled up next to you beneath your chin. Grazing your skin with my fingers. Kissing your lips with the touch of mine. Running my fingers through your hair. Tightening my legs around your waist. Every moment with you wasn't perfect. We had arguments, we had disagreements. We had misunderstandings. Yet, I was sure of you. I was sure that I wanted to be with you. That I wanted to be your person  For the rest of my life. Hearing y...

Thoughts of you are subtle. It doesn't poison my throat, It doesn't boil my veins, And it doesn't make me numb. Thoughts of you are fading away. Just like your body did. Just like your voice did. Just like the love you had. Tomorrow marks the 9th month. Instead of celebrating, I'm mourning the separation. Mourning the silence. Thoughts of you are sad. Remembering your voice. Remembering your touch, And having to accept the loss. Thoughts of you haunt me. Hoping if I stay quiet long enough, You'll reach out to me. But realizing that's not who you are. I feel winded, fighting you for air. Fighting you to be noticed. Fighting with you to break free. Arguing with you in silence. Even with the time apart, I feel like I've lost my person. I don't have drive to find another. I'm career driven. I need to get what I want. Even if you don't want to be with me. Even if you don't love me. Even if you forgot me. Tho...

Can we talk? Can I tell you how much  I miss you? That I feel like I'm drowning. And you're okay with it. You're okay with me hurting, Because you're not feeling it. You're not feeling my body tense up. My heart tightening. My throat clogging up.  My hands cramping. My ears ringing so much pain. You're not feeling  What I'm feeling. I don't think you'll ever feel it. Your pride will get the best of you. You won't be happy  And that's not what I want.  So before you go, Take this time to re-think your decision. To take this time to re-evaluate. We had so many great moments But you cloaked them with the bad. Not seeing the love I have for you, radiating So much light, that I can't Control the way I felt about you. By a simple touch, goosebumps Surfaced every inch of my skin. By a single kiss, my heart Began beating tremendously fast. By a simple hug, I somehow Felt safe, loved, and comfortable. From ...

The days go by quickly. Not giving me a chance to process What I failed to hold onto. But I can't force you to love me. I can't force you to forget her. Just like I can't force you to move on. I failed as your person. I failed holding onto you longer, tighter. You allowed us to fail. You no longer wanted me anymore. You found best to push me aside Than to fight for what we loved. The reasons for you leaving aren't  Good enough reasons anymore. Because I'm left with this void  Inside my chest, begging you to come back. How is that fair?  You 'loving' me. Me loving you. Then you leaving me. For your own selfish reasons. You didn't think of me. You didn't think about how  I was going to handle it. You selfishly pushed me aside Because you felt like it. You never loved me. You thought you did. That's where I failed. I allowed you to manipulate me. To play me, to use me For your selfish needs. Using me to forget...

The first week was amazing. Secret meetings at the park. Swinging on the swings. Catching up on our time apart. Some will say it was magical. Magical in so many ways. To me is was unbelievable. It felt like I was asleep. Waiting to awake from the dream. To know that it was never real. And it was real for seven months. A wonderful dream I didn't think would end. But it did. You were only a dream. A dream I've always wanted Ever since I was a little girl. Hoping that the feelings  I had were real. They were real. You awakened my hidden feelings. Very quickly. Again hoping That you felt the same way. You did for a while. Then those feelings disappeared. I didn't think I'd be awaken From a nightmare. That this longing you felt  Was real. That the moments of kissing  In the rain, holding hands while Walking down the neighborhood, Going ice skating and taking care of me. That those moments were a lie. That you were never mine. ...

Are you okay With the silence? Are you okay With breaking my heart? How's the loneliness You're feeling? Is it getting better? Are you happier? Everyday, it's getting better. By the people I surround Myself with, the distractions. To not let me sink back into the memories. Today, marks a month. A month of silence. A month of not holding you. A month of not kissing you. A month of not telling You just how much I love you. A month without hearing your voice. A month without seeing your face. So how's the loneliness? I know you've extracted yourself From home. Extracted yourself from my life. For the reasons of bettering yourself. For the reasons of fixing your relationship With your family. But are you really doing it? Are you really setting out to Do what you told me? If you weren't, I'd be more Disappointed in you. For the same reasons I loved you. I didn't want to be left without you. I didn't want to end ou...