A Month

Are you okay
With the silence?
Are you okay
With breaking my heart?

How's the loneliness
You're feeling?
Is it getting better?
Are you happier?

Everyday, it's getting better.
By the people I surround
Myself with, the distractions.
To not let me sink back into the memories.

Today, marks a month.
A month of silence.
A month of not holding you.
A month of not kissing you.

A month of not telling
You just how much I love you.
A month without hearing your voice.
A month without seeing your face.

So how's the loneliness?
I know you've extracted yourself
From home.
Extracted yourself from my life.

For the reasons of bettering yourself.
For the reasons of fixing your relationship
With your family.
But are you really doing it?

Are you really setting out to
Do what you told me?
If you weren't, I'd be more
Disappointed in you.

For the same reasons I loved you.
I didn't want to be left without you.
I didn't want to end our relationship.
I just wanted to make it better.

But you destroyed it,
For your phase of freedom.
Do you think the people you 
Surround yourself with really care for you?

Do you think they'll drive to you
When you are in danger?
Do you think they'll guide
You in the right direction?

Do you think they'll give
You the love you're craving?
Do you think they'll be there
For you, if you become nothing?

I would've loved you
Through it all.
I would've accepted all your flaws.
I would've held your hand through the pain.

Accepted the fact you feel differently 
About having children.
I kind of liked the idea of just you and me.
Isolated in a house.

I gave you a hard time when
It came to you growing out your hair.
But I would've accepted it
Because that's what you wanted.

I would've accepted every little thing.
For the main reason of loving you. 
Yet, you didn't love me enough.
Maybe what you felt was non-existent.

I hope you appreciate the gift 
I sent to you.
I don't expect any phone call.
I just want you to be happy.

That's the difference between you and I.
I will continue caring for you.
I will continue loving you.
I won't turn my back on you.

You stopped caring for me,
The same moment you ended it.
You stopped loving me,
The same moment you didn't get what you want.

You turned your back on me,
The same moment you saw me
Trying to better myself.
Not seeing the underlying pain.

I'm saddened that I don't have you anymore.
I'm hoping for you to get better.
So I could move on knowing you're okay.
I hope the isolation doesn't change you

More than it has.
For the sake of your family.
I hope you make your way back.
Know that they miss you.

That they love you.
That they want the best for you.
That they want you to be happy.
That I want the same for you.

Are you okay
With being alone?
Is it more satisfying
Now that I'm out of the picture?

Do you even think about me?
The same way I do?
Did you even love me?
The same way I did?

So today, marks a month
Since your disappearance.
It's getting better as the days go by.
In this moment, I'm thinking of myself.

My turn to be selfish when it comes
To what I want.
Know that I never wanted to part.
Had so many reasons to fight.

I hope you find the happiness
I couldn't seem to bring out of you.
Even though the pictures
Wouldn't lie.

I'm no longer hoping for this to be a phase.
I'm convinced that you'll never come home.