Thoughts Of You

Thoughts of you are subtle.
It doesn't poison my throat,
It doesn't boil my veins,
And it doesn't make me numb.

Thoughts of you are fading away.
Just like your body did.
Just like your voice did.
Just like the love you had.

Tomorrow marks the 9th month.
Instead of celebrating,
I'm mourning the separation.
Mourning the silence.

Thoughts of you are sad.
Remembering your voice.
Remembering your touch,
And having to accept the loss.

Thoughts of you haunt me.
Hoping if I stay quiet long enough,
You'll reach out to me.
But realizing that's not who you are.

I feel winded, fighting you for air.
Fighting you to be noticed.
Fighting with you to break free.
Arguing with you in silence.

Even with the time apart,
I feel like I've lost my person.
I don't have drive to find another.
I'm career driven.

I need to get what I want.
Even if you don't want to be with me.
Even if you don't love me.
Even if you forgot me.

Thoughts of you made me happy.
Remembering you playing the piano.
Remembering the way you dug 
Your nose into my hair.

Remembering how you kissed me
And how you held me.
Now I need to move on
And I need you to release me.

I feel like you don't want to,
Even with the silence.
I still feel imprisoned.
Deep down wanting you back. 

And that's not fair.
You're not being fair,
You're being selfish.
Your silence is unfair.

With all of this.
I still love you, sweetheart.
I find myself checking up on you.
And wanting you to do the same.

Thoughts of you left a tattoo
On my yearning heart.
Wanting you to love me,
Hoping you'd call me.

So I hope your happiness
Is worth the sacrifice.
A sacrifice I was forced to do.
It was something I had to do.

I loved you with every fiber 
Inside my body.
For that reason, I had to let you go.
That's what love is.

It means sacrifice.
A sacrifice that I didn't want. 
So, I hope you find yourself.
That you find that ticker inside you.

That makes you, you. 
The you I've always loved about you.
Thoughts of you will be inked forever.
You will always be my person.

Even if that means letting you go.
Just so you get where you need to be.

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