The Lesson

Can we talk?
Can I tell you how much 
I miss you?
That I feel like I'm drowning.

And you're okay with it.
You're okay with me hurting,
Because you're not feeling it.
You're not feeling my body tense up.

My heart tightening.
My throat clogging up. 
My hands cramping.
My ears ringing so much pain.

You're not feeling 
What I'm feeling.
I don't think you'll ever feel it.
Your pride will get the best of you.

You won't be happy 
And that's not what I want. 
So before you go,
Take this time to re-think your decision.

To take this time to re-evaluate.
We had so many great moments
But you cloaked them with the bad.
Not seeing the love I have for you, radiating

So much light, that I can't
Control the way I felt about you.
By a simple touch, goosebumps
Surfaced every inch of my skin.

By a single kiss, my heart
Began beating tremendously fast.
By a simple hug, I somehow
Felt safe, loved, and comfortable.

From the moments where
I cuddled up next to you on the couch.
To the very last moments
Of you playing the piano.

I cherished every single one.
I cherished my moments with you.
If I had known my last moment
Would've been my last..

I would've held onto you tighter,
Maybe even longer than I did.
I would've told you how much 
I loved you.

Would've given you another kiss.
Another long embrace.
Another moment just to be 
Your person for the last time.

I miss you so much.
That at times it's hard for 
Me to breathe.
I count the seconds to calm my senses.

I see your pictures and videos
Of you performing at school.
And it saddens me even more
Because I should be there for you.

Yet, you made it clear that 
You don't want anything to do with me.
You made it clear that
I was no longer who you wanted.

That's where I fail.
Because despite everything
I still love you.
My heart yearns for you.

My mind remembers you.
My hands misses your touch.
My eyes misses seeing your smile.
My ears remember your laugh, yearning.

So can we talk?
I deserve every ounce of closure.
I gave you so much of myself.
That most times I feel like I'm suffocating. 

I feel like the storm won't pass.
That this feeling of longing will 
Become who I am. 
And I'm terrified.

Terrified to make the same 
Mistakes you did.
Because you didn't know 
How to let go of the past.

Because you didn't love me.
I hope you take your moments
And reflect on our time together.
To see that I loved you for who you are.

That I was going to love you
For the man you're going to be.
Take the moments where you're 
By yourself, where the noise is non-existent.

Where your mind has time to think.
When your heart has to time to yearn.
To really understand if your love for 
Me was never really love.

Your body didn't lie to me.
I know you loved me.
That kind of love just doesn't go away.
But maybe it did.

And with that, you were only a lesson.
A lesson I never thought I had to let go of.