Dosage

I wish there were enough
Words to tell you just how
Much I miss you, your 
Eyes, your breath, your lips.

The things I want to say
Become lost in the silence
Between the waves of 
Static. Labored. Non-existent.

When I least expect it,
You pull me back in 
With an ease that only
You can do--create.

I respond casually,
Thinking that the conversation
Would lead to an apology 
Or a pathway back to each other.

I hope you got enough 
Of a dosage of my attention.
So you can go on for another 
Five months with no communication.

The actions I want to express
Become frozen in a state of 
Wonder, hoping that someday
I can hold you again.

To kiss your cheeks,
Your neck, your lips,
And your chin.
To feel your breath

Linger against my collarbone
As I breathed in your scent.
A scent I no longer remember.
A scent I wish I had back.

I wish there were enough
Words to tell you that I 
Never wanted to give up on us.
I had so much hope for the future.

Some say, you'll never come back.
Some say, why would he?
Sometimes I believe their logic.
Other times it was the last thing I wanted.

Parts of me believes we are meant to be.
Other parts convinces me we aren't.
There's too much damage that love
Can't possibly fix.

I think to myself, maybe--possibly.
That doesn't negate the fact that
I miss you more than the soil
Misses the rain.

Hoping you'd open your eyes
Just as quickly as you left.
Wanting you to prove to me
And others that you can be better.

Be happier. Be hopeful.
Be everything you've always
Dreamed of being long enough
To not miss out on us.

All I have left of you 
Are the memories in my mind,
The faith you'll come home,
And the love I'll always endure.

You have always been so special.

So beautiful, so talented, and 
So inspiring. My heart fell for 
You just as quickly as you left.

I hope you got enough of a dosage
To hold you off into the new year.
While I wait a century
For your permanent return.

Missing you in silence.
And loving you from afar.