Wall of Pride

I am rattled by your decision.
Not understanding why
I wasn't enough for you.
Harping on myself seeing 

You move on...and without me.
Choosing someone else over me.
Can I ask you one thing before you go?
Before you forget me.

Before you fill my head 
With negative thoughts
On how I was a bad person.
Before you break me once again.

When did you fall out of love?
I thought we were good.
I thought we found balance.
I thought we were on the same page.

Then you did a 180 on me.
Nearly blind sided me.
I didn't understand your reaction.
Still don't.

My heart ached to small pieces
Of dust, vanishing through your
Insensitivity. 
Not knowing the real reasons.

Was I that horrible to you?
Why wasn't I enough?
When the day before you said
You'd give me the whole world.

Now, you're buried in your thoughts.
Masking your feelings with
Another girl.
I didn't think I'd be so disappointed

In you.

Although, my heart still aches
For you to listen.
So I won't feel this need anymore.
To fight for someone who doesn't care.

My mind doesn't let me reach out.
I know I shouldn't.
Then my heart remembers your
Heartbeat and the endless tears 

Become visible, known.
Hoping that you'd see I'm not
Playing this game. I just 
Want you to be happy.

I care for you.
I love you.
I wish the best
Even if that means I'm not in it.

I remember you crying
Thinking if it hurt so much
Then why push me away?
If you didn't want to hurt me

Then why did you do it?
I gave you all the little things
I collected from you so I can 
Move on.

It's not that I don't love you.
It's the fact that I can't
Have you sitting in my closet.
Waiting for you to come back.

If you loved me, you would've 
Stayed. You would've fought 
For me and now I'm left with the
The endless thoughts of you.

Remembering you kissing 
My face even when I didn't like it.
Remembering you wrapping
Your legs around my waist 

To keep me safe.

I remember you being happy.
And I'm sorry I no longer did.
I'm sorry if I was too much for you.
I just wanted the best for you.

To hold you tight,
To kiss your cheek,
To hold your hand,
So you'd feel better. 

I've always loved you,
And I hope someday that 
Will fade just like how 
You did.

I'll always remember your laugh
Ringing in my ear drums.
I'll always remember your voice
Singing into my memory.

I'll always speak highly of you
Even when I don't believe it.
Know that every second of time
Passing by, has not been easy.

Wanting to break my wall of pride
To let you know that I'm here for you.
Yet, shutting the thought down,
If you wanted me back then you would.

You wouldn't hesitate to make things right.
You'd do it because your heart tells you to.