The Numbed Lullaby

I tried to make myself 
Feel a little better.
Masking my hurt 
With a different touch.

A touch that didn't feel
The same.
A touch that didn't make
My heart soar.

I tried to make myself 
Feel a little better.
Numbing the pain
With a different flame.

An old flame.
A flame who didn't
Try to make me feel better.
Yet, only thinking of you.

Remembering your hands
Wrapped around my waist.
Remembering your voice
Calling out my name.

Soft whispers against 
The fluffy pillows.
Heart racing as I stared
Into your beautiful brown eyes.

You had this way to make
Me laugh even in the 
Worst times, where I thought
Of myself as pathetic.

I tried to make myself
Feel a little better.
Masking my hurt 
So I can forget.

You, your face, eyes
And touch. 
I wish I could lie to myself
To turn off every emotion.

Emotions that yearn
For your touch, your love.
I want you to re-tell 
The lie so I won't feel anymore.

So I can go on, believing 
That we were two 
Meant to be souls, forever.
But, it ended so quickly.

So, I tried to make myself
Feel better but it didn't work.
I couldn't, as if my heart
Doesn't want to open up.

Because it knows it belongs
To a man who I thought was 
Going to my forever.
Yet, turned into nothing.

I tried to make myself 
Feel a little better.
I don't get how you can
Erase us, erase me 

As if I was nothing.
As if I didn't matter.
I can still hear "Chasing Cars"
Playing in the background.

A lullaby to my ears 
As you cuddled closer.
Today, I miss you. 
Just like every other day.

Praying for your return.
So that sense of home
Is back in my arms. 
The peace I very much need.

To others, you weren't
Perfect, you hurt me.
But, in my heart I knew you
Were the closest I ever had.

I just wish you hadn't left.
That I didn't have to act
Like you didn't exist.
But you do, which makes this hard.

If I could wish on a star, I'd
Bring you back into my arms.