What My Mind has Taken
I'm destructing. My mind invades every inch of my being, letting me know that nothing I ever do or ever love is worth anything. I think of myself as less and I fall for its lies... lies that become truth. My heart becomes vulnerable in defeat when everything begins to feel hopeless. His words, his eyes, and his mouth become something that breaks every vessel in my body. Slowly killing me to the depth of uncertainty. This is what my mind takes from me.
I begin to gnaw myself to pieces by every negative word that runs through my brain. It repeats the same hurtful words so I begin to believe it. I do believe it. This is why I'm not worthy for love or to be loved. How can I love, if I can't love myself? The sunset no longer is beauty through these brown lens, it becomes dark and hopeless even when he says he'll think of me as he watches it fall behind the water. My heart sinks into the sand, burying itself in the foundation of its making-- never wanting to be found in the midst of that sunset. The battle between my heart and mind is something that won't ever end. Stubbornness seeps through the crevasses of my brain and into the veins of my heart.
Again, I lose my ability to walk with my head held high. When all I hear is in my mind, that I can't function with a love like his because I'm unattractive to the naked eye. My mind begins to play games with me, tears me till I'm no more. Yet, I willingly fall into its lies and I allow for it to break me. As if it's the boss of my whole being. AS if I have no free will. That's what my MIND steals from me. I'm slowly sinking into the depth of the ground, allowing no room for failure.
I begin to believe that no man will love me the way I love them because I'm someone who doesn't deserve it. I deserve nothing. Maybe, I do deserve nothing. Maybe, that's what my life consists of... unhappiness, failure, and ugliness. Then I begin to think that his thoughts are just like my mind thinks of me and that cracks me every further. I begin to push him away because I've already been broken multiple times. I remember the first time my heart was fooled and how much it hurt and numbed every bone in my body.
You know what my mind said? That I deserved it because I fell to quickly. That I don't deserve a happiness that is too overwhelming. That's why I'm always broken. Broken before anything begins and I'm weary of pain... of disappointment... of myself.
So thank you, MIND, for making me feel like I'm nothing to those around me. Thank you for officially gnawing me out of my own skin and thank you for allowing me to push him away because in their eyes I'm nothing.
THAT'S what YOU'VE taken from ME.
I begin to gnaw myself to pieces by every negative word that runs through my brain. It repeats the same hurtful words so I begin to believe it. I do believe it. This is why I'm not worthy for love or to be loved. How can I love, if I can't love myself? The sunset no longer is beauty through these brown lens, it becomes dark and hopeless even when he says he'll think of me as he watches it fall behind the water. My heart sinks into the sand, burying itself in the foundation of its making-- never wanting to be found in the midst of that sunset. The battle between my heart and mind is something that won't ever end. Stubbornness seeps through the crevasses of my brain and into the veins of my heart.
Again, I lose my ability to walk with my head held high. When all I hear is in my mind, that I can't function with a love like his because I'm unattractive to the naked eye. My mind begins to play games with me, tears me till I'm no more. Yet, I willingly fall into its lies and I allow for it to break me. As if it's the boss of my whole being. AS if I have no free will. That's what my MIND steals from me. I'm slowly sinking into the depth of the ground, allowing no room for failure.
I begin to believe that no man will love me the way I love them because I'm someone who doesn't deserve it. I deserve nothing. Maybe, I do deserve nothing. Maybe, that's what my life consists of... unhappiness, failure, and ugliness. Then I begin to think that his thoughts are just like my mind thinks of me and that cracks me every further. I begin to push him away because I've already been broken multiple times. I remember the first time my heart was fooled and how much it hurt and numbed every bone in my body.
You know what my mind said? That I deserved it because I fell to quickly. That I don't deserve a happiness that is too overwhelming. That's why I'm always broken. Broken before anything begins and I'm weary of pain... of disappointment... of myself.
So thank you, MIND, for making me feel like I'm nothing to those around me. Thank you for officially gnawing me out of my own skin and thank you for allowing me to push him away because in their eyes I'm nothing.
THAT'S what YOU'VE taken from ME.
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