Writing from the Heart

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, Right before the fall. You held my heart  And I, ashamed of everything that's going on. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, The rage when you said "Goodbye". It was hard to contain And I, a victim to this crime. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, The venom running through my veins. Like sharp knives poking every inch of my body And finding no way to be free. So yes, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, That you never loved me, Not even one bit. And I'm the one who suffers.  You didn't have it in you, To make this right.

Nothing make sense, you don't make sense, you come and go as you please. I have to conform to this life I was given. Watching you watch her as I pretend to stare at my phone. Hearing you talk to her as I tried to cover my ears. Seeing you touch her as I look to the floor, feeling my heart anchor to the bottom of the ocean. After a few moments, you look into my eyes, and I linger into you. I hold onto you for a second longer so I won't forget what this feels like. To see you, to feel you, and to hear your voice one last time.  She comes up to me and smiles to my face. I must stand there as you take her away and my heart clenches together. It begins to suffocate and I have no control of what I feel or what I want to feel. How can you tell someone to be with you when they love another? I can't. I just can't. I hate that I love you more than the earth needs rain. I hate that I need you more than I need air. I hate that I want you more than I the will to fight for you. I...

To Her: My apologies are never enough to fix the pain I injected into your veins. I remember how much you cried when I said my goodbyes, and how I felt when I saw you fall to your knees. I didn't cry, I didn't ache. I was cold to the touch-- feeling no sympathy. I didn't deserve you, not at all.  You deserved more than what I offered. You are beautiful and kind. I'm a fool to have let my fears get the best of me. I was afraid to love you more than anything else in this world. The way you looked at me was something I wasn't ready for. I was afraid to love you and then lose you right after. That was my biggest fear. I remember how my voice vibrated right before I said "I love you". And the sound of your cries as I left out the door. I didn't deserve your tears. I hope you know that I will continue to love you until the end of my days. But for now I'm weak, pathetic, and an immature man. You deserve someone that respects you, that cries with you...

To Him: I remember that moment a few seconds before you said "I love you." I remember how your voice vibrated with nervousness and how my heart fluttered in my chest. As my mind tried to make up reasons why we shouldn't be together. The mind can fool the heart and the heart can forgive the mind. Yet, nothing else  mattered  except you and I in that special moment.  Do you remember that moment a few seconds before you said "I love you"? I remember how you played with your fingers as you approached the subject. I also remember how I said "I love you". A few minutes after you spoke your mind. Every syllable that escaped my tongue was like a sky of shooting stars. Overall, my heart remembers how you made me feel. Like a bullet to the chest, you left a few months later, stripped me naked, and my heart fell heavy like the moon. You apologized for what you did but that didn't fix the venom you injected through my veins. One droplet at a time made m...

Look into my eyes, What do you see? Is it love? Is it pain? What's the meaning of this? Let me see your brown eyes. Right before you leave. To engrave them into my mind. The way it shines under the light. You are everything and so much more. Look into my eyes, What do you see? Is it hopelessness? Or am I insane? The ocean blue sea, Trashed, dirty, no longer clear. Just like my heart, Anchored in defeat.  Nothing makes sense, It all goes dense. This is too much to bear. The aching pain that burns Through my veins. Lips pale, heart cold. Weak in the knees, As you watch me fall. Look into my eyes again, See what you've done. Forgive and Forget, Is what I should do. Don't get fooled. Even though I did. With a knot in my throat. I said my goodbyes.