The Inspiring 2012
The moment is here that I have come to realize that I am not in the right place. I am no longer seeking my faith when things get rough, I no longer feel the need to talk to my friends and I no longer feel the necessity to feel love. It is crazy to think that 2012 was when I was strongest in my faith. The year that I fell in love with God and the year that I fell in love with a man that was everything to me. He made me a better person although he doesn't think he did. He taught me how to love, what love feels like and I met this man when I was strongest in my faith. Although 2012, was a year with magical moments like falling in love, going to Prom, being the strongest in my faith, it also was a year that I first experienced heart ache. No matter what people told me-- that heart ache I felt was an unbearable pain. I was weak, unhappy, and slowly losing myself within all the pain. He was a man that I loved so much and he left me. I knew it was the right to let him go because he isn't the one for me or maybe he isn't just yet. I sometimes wondered why God allowed this man to come into my life if he was just going to disappear.
The more I thought about it... I finally came to the conclusion that he was walked into my life to make me stronger, to give me purpose and he showed me how to love. You know that feeling one gets when they hear their name, hear their voice as it rolled off their tongue, seeing their smile as they stared into your eyes or every piece of them just makes you tremble with nervousness. The feeling I felt toward him was pure, good, safe, and strong. Just by hearing his voice soothes me to a tranquil state and it is a feeling that will never vanish. Yet, after so many years he still lingers. He reminds me why I fell for him and why I still have hope that one day things would be different. He brought me toward God and I probably did the same to him. He is the one person who gives me so much inspiration to write. My first real love is one of the reasons for the creation of my stories. His image inspires my hero's appearance.
When it came to him... I always defend him because he is just special. I want him to know. If he is reading this, that nothing he ever does will change the way I see him. I see a man worthy of love, passion, trust and safety. He deserves the best in everything he does. When I first laid eyes on him, I saw a man who is nice, nurturing, funny, down to earth and most of all someone who needed God. He had the mirror image of what I was looking in a man. Even after he left, I always reminded him that God loves him and he does so much. And I love him for showing me what love is although he broke my heart. But I forgive him. I forgive him for his ignorance, his arrogance, his stupidity, for being immature and I also forgive him for making me cry. Many days I went with a frown and tears flowing down my cheeks.
But that experience made me stronger now. He made me flourish into the person I am today and although I am still a bit lost. The feeling of love hasn't reached my finger tips since him and I pray to God that someday I would be so lucky to find a man that was close to him. So handsome and beautiful from the inside. Someone who would protect me, open the door for me, bring me flowers and remind me everyday that he loves me. Someone who would make my dreams come true. I thank my first real love for allowing me to love him for a little while and breaking my heart quickly after. If it wasn't for him then I wouldn't be a strong, independent woman I am today.
The more I thought about it... I finally came to the conclusion that he was walked into my life to make me stronger, to give me purpose and he showed me how to love. You know that feeling one gets when they hear their name, hear their voice as it rolled off their tongue, seeing their smile as they stared into your eyes or every piece of them just makes you tremble with nervousness. The feeling I felt toward him was pure, good, safe, and strong. Just by hearing his voice soothes me to a tranquil state and it is a feeling that will never vanish. Yet, after so many years he still lingers. He reminds me why I fell for him and why I still have hope that one day things would be different. He brought me toward God and I probably did the same to him. He is the one person who gives me so much inspiration to write. My first real love is one of the reasons for the creation of my stories. His image inspires my hero's appearance.
When it came to him... I always defend him because he is just special. I want him to know. If he is reading this, that nothing he ever does will change the way I see him. I see a man worthy of love, passion, trust and safety. He deserves the best in everything he does. When I first laid eyes on him, I saw a man who is nice, nurturing, funny, down to earth and most of all someone who needed God. He had the mirror image of what I was looking in a man. Even after he left, I always reminded him that God loves him and he does so much. And I love him for showing me what love is although he broke my heart. But I forgive him. I forgive him for his ignorance, his arrogance, his stupidity, for being immature and I also forgive him for making me cry. Many days I went with a frown and tears flowing down my cheeks.
But that experience made me stronger now. He made me flourish into the person I am today and although I am still a bit lost. The feeling of love hasn't reached my finger tips since him and I pray to God that someday I would be so lucky to find a man that was close to him. So handsome and beautiful from the inside. Someone who would protect me, open the door for me, bring me flowers and remind me everyday that he loves me. Someone who would make my dreams come true. I thank my first real love for allowing me to love him for a little while and breaking my heart quickly after. If it wasn't for him then I wouldn't be a strong, independent woman I am today.
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